Chapter 21

[girlyswot]

Nicola left it a week before she went to see Lois again.  She was shocked at the change she noticed.  Lois’s skin was a dull yellow and her hair had almost entirely fallen out.  It was hard to see in her the fit, attractive teenager whom Nicola had so loathed.  Only the blue eyes were the same, shifting in their gaze.

‘I didn’t think you’d come,’ remarked Lois.

‘No, well.’  Nicola shifted in the uncomfortable hospital chair.  ‘I was coming into Colebridge anyway, so I thought I might as well meet the girls here.  How are you?’

Lois closed her eyes.  ‘They won’t say.’

‘Oh.’  Nicola didn’t know what to say to that.

‘You’ll make sure they’re all right?’

‘Gemma and Lucy?  Yes, of course.  I think they’re starting to settle down with us.  Lucy loves the animals, of course.  She’s always pestering Patrick to let her carry the hawks and feed the horses and such.’

‘She’s not making a nuisance of herself?’  Lois opened her eyes briefly to glance anxiously at Nicola.

‘No, of course not.  He likes it.  None of my lot can be bothered with the hawks and they’re happy enough to swap chores.’

‘And Gemma?’

Nicola grimaced slightly.  ‘Well, it was a bit sticky at first.  I think she was more upset than she wanted to let on and it sort out came out in the wrong ways.  She misses you.’

Lois groaned slightly.

‘But she’s getting on better now, I think.  Nick, my eldest, is teaching her to ride.  She doesn’t say much, but he’s pretty patient and I think secretly she loves it.’

 

Gemma didn’t show any sign of loving it the following morning when, after Nick had decreed that she should try her hand at jumping, she found herself in a heap on the floor for the fourth time.

‘I’m never getting on that sodding horse again,’ she announced, getting to her feet and stomping towards the house.  ‘And don’t tell me she’s got to be brushed and combed and washed or whatever the hell it is you do, because I’m not bloody doing it, okay?’

Nick laughed.

Gemma, who’d meant to make him angry with her, turned and stared at him incredulously.  ‘Just what’s so bloody funny?’ she demanded, hands on hips, gazing furiously at him.

‘You are,’ he replied calmly, deliberately provoking her.

‘I…  I am not!  I meant it, you know.’  But even as she said it, she could feel her temper cooling.

‘Sure.’  He raised an eyebrow at her, meaningfully.

‘God, you’re annoying.’

‘I know,’ he grinned.  Nick caught the leading rein and brought Toffeenose over to the mounting block.  

‘Good girl,’ he murmured.  Gemma shot him a testing glance, unsure whether he was addressing her or the horse.

‘Right, then.’  Gemma pulled Toffeenose in a wide circle, reaching down a hand to pat her beautiful, glossy brown neck.  ‘Take it slowly.  Watch for the spot.  And… now!’

‘I did it!’  Gemma’s grin made it seem as though she’d just won the National.  But Nick looked equally pleased with himself.

‘Once more.  Prove it’s not a fluke.’

 

‘So Karen’s still married to her chap?’

‘Edwin, yes.  Amazingly.’  Nicola smiled, remembering the shock of that announcement.  ‘What about you?’ she asked tentatively.  Lois had always seemed reluctant to talk about herself or her family.  ‘What happened to their father?’

There was a long silence.  Nicola wondered if there was some other way of asking the question.  Maybe the girls would tell… no.  It was Lois’s choice.

‘He left.’  Lois’s hands were clutching at the bedcovers but her voice remained calm.  ‘Gemma was three and Lucy almost one.  He left a note for me to find.’

‘I’m sorry.’  It seemed fairly inadequate.  Nicola tried and failed to imagine how she’d have felt if Patrick had left a note for her telling her he’d had enough.

‘It happens.  We weren’t that happy before.  Not like you.’  There was definitely envy in that last observation.  

‘I’m sorry,’ repeated Nicola.

‘Tell me about the others.’

Gemma was up even before Sellers arrived to begin tacking up the horses for the Meet.  She spent ages brushing and plaiting and polishing, determined that the Merricks should have nothing to be ashamed of.  Nicola had found her a jacket which just about fitted, though the sleeves were a touch short.  Last night Katie’d shown her how to put her hair up in the net and how to tie her stock.

 

When Nick came down to the stables, he was impressed.

‘Hi!  You’ve been busy.’

‘Yes, well,’ she blushed.  ‘Your father said he didn’t want us to be late.’

Nick smiled.  ‘He’s always saying that and we always are.  Are you nervous?’

‘A bit.’

‘You’ll be fine.  Just stay somewhere at the back of the crowd and don’t do anything foolish.  There’ll always be someone taking an easy way round that you can follow if you need to.  Besides you can follow me.’

She nodded.  ‘Nick, I… I wanted to say thank you.’  She reached up, blushing fiery red, and kissed his cheek.

He caught her hands and held them lightly, looking down at her.  Slowly he bent his head and kissed her gently on the lips.

‘I thought you didn’t like me,’ she breathed.

‘I thought I didn’t like you,’ he admitted.  ‘But it turns out that I do.’  He kissed her again.

‘What about Helen?’

‘Ah.  Well, I have it on good authority, via Nellie, that young Miss Helen has been in tears for the last three nights, ever since young Master Nicholas gave her the old heave-ho.’

‘Oh.’

They stood, grinning foolishly at each other for several minutes.

‘Come on, I’d better get cracking or Dad really will blow his top.  You can give me a hand, seeing as you’re all ready.’

 

The Hunt paused for lunch.  Nick made his way over to Gemma.

‘Having a good day?’

She beamed up at him.  ‘The best.’

‘Look, say if you don’t want to, but I wondered whether we might slope off after lunch.  Make our way home pretty slowly.’  His blue eyes invited her to some secret tryst.  She nodded as if entranced.

‘Good girl.  Hey, what’ve you got in your sandwiches?’

‘Cheese and pickle.’

‘Swap?  Ma’s given me fishpaste.’

‘Not hardly likely.  You should’ve been up in time to do your own.  You can have one of my marmite ones if you want.’  He made a face and she laughed.  ‘Oh well, you’ll just have to starve, then.’

 

The horses were grateful to be allowed to set their own pace as they headed for home across the Crowlands.  Their riders sometimes talked, but more often simply looked at each other.  Nick reached his hand across to rest on Gemma’s and watched her blush.

‘You look beautiful.’

She looked up, amazed.  ‘I’ve got mud across my face from when I fell off.  And I can feel my hair falling down all over the place.’  And she was absolutely certain that her make-up had disappeared hours earlier.

‘I know,’ he agreed.  ‘You look… real.  Alive.’  He paused, searching for a better way of describing it.  ‘Beautiful,’ he ended, again.  ‘I’m sorry, I’m not very good at this.’

‘I think you’re pretty good.’

The horses slowed, almost to a standstill, allowing Nick to raise his hand to Gemma’s mud-encrusted cheek and gently pull her towards him.

 

They reached home later in the afternoon.

‘You go in.  I’ll do Buttons.  Try and sneak a hot bath before anyone notices - have a proper soak.  You’ll be unbearably stiff tomorrow, else.’

‘Okay.’  She looked at him shyly.  ‘Thanks.’

 

Patrick took his eldest son with him the next day to inspect a pony he was contemplating buying for the children.

‘So.  What’s with you and Gemma?’

He looked sideways at Nick’s profile, tinged with red but his gaze steadily fixed on the road ahead.

‘Ah.  I was afraid so.’

‘Afraid?  Why?’

Patrick signalled left and turned down Brewer’s Lane.  ‘How much has she told you about her mother?’

‘Not much.  Just that she’s ill, obviously.  And that she was at school with Mum.’

‘Yes.   Well.  The thing is, Nick, that Lois is dying.  Maybe three months.  Maybe a bit more.’

‘Oh.  Poor Gemma.  Poor Lucy.  That’s…’  He struggled for words.

‘Yes.’  Patrick agreed.

‘But why…?’

‘Well.’  Patrick looked left and right before crossing the junction.  ‘The thing is, we don’t know what will happen to them afterwards.  We won’t be their legal guardians.  The social worker thinks prob they’ll go to their uncle, up in Scotland.’

‘Oh.  I see.’

‘Don’t make it harder than it has to be, Nick.  Don’t break her heart as well.’

Nick was silent, looking out of the window, his expression fathomless.

They reached the farm soon after and got out to look at the pony.

‘What d’you reckon?’ asked Patrick.

‘Yes.  He’s about right for Ant, I should think.  And the others’ll grow soon enough.’

‘Mmm.  He’s a bit more than I’d meant to spend.  I’ll go and see if I can haggle.’

Nick stayed with the pony, pulling at his forelock and scratching his nose, looking into the dark, expectant eyes. 

‘You don’t know what to do, any more than I do.  Oh well.’

 

They began the journey back in silence.  Suddenly Patrick asked, ‘What will you do after school, Nick?  Have you thought?’

Nick visibly dragged his thoughts back to his father.  ‘Sorry?’

‘Have you thought what you want to do after school?’

‘Oh.  Yes.  Well.’

Patrick shot a curious glance at his son.

‘Spit it out.’

‘Well, I thought…  What I’d like to do is join up.’

‘Join up?’ repeated Patrick blankly.

‘The Navy,’ Nick expanded, going red again.

‘Ah.’

‘It was Uncle Peter, really.  When he took Jon and me sailing that time and told us stories.  And then when he… he died, I just thought, it was worth it.  And then Uncle Giles and Grandfather - it just seems the best thing I can think of doing.’

‘Mmm.  Well, if that’s still how you feel in a couple of years time, that’s what you’d better do.’

‘Really?  But what about Ma?’

‘Yes, well.  Let me talk to her first.  Get her used to the idea.  You haven’t talked to the others about it have you?’

‘Not a word.’

‘Good.  Well, let’s leave it that way for a while.’

‘Okay.  Dad?’

‘What’s up?’

‘How old were you when you fell in love with Mum?’

Patrick smiled and carefully didn’t look across at Nick.  ‘About sixteen, I think.’

Nick didn’t say anything, so he carried on.  ‘But she took much longer to work it out.  We didn’t get together until she left school.  Four years, I waited.’

‘Did you know she loved you?’

‘Not really.  There were times I thought she might.  But she always ran a mile whenever I made the least move, so I wasn’t really sure.  She definitely didn’t know.’

‘So… you didn’t have any other girlfriends all that time?’  Nick sounded incredulous.

Patrick laughed.  ‘No.  Not then.  Just your mother.  And Ginty,’ he added, remembering.

‘Ginty?  Aunt Ginty?  And you?’ 

‘You don’t have to sound so unbelieving,’  Patrick reproved.  ‘Okay, it was a mistake.  Huge, big, disastrous.  I got expelled and she was in floods of tears for months according to Nick.’

‘Tell me!  It sounds so unlikely.’

‘Oh, very well.’  And Patrick recounted a somewhat expurgated story for the benefit of his admiring son.  ‘But don’t tell the others.’

‘No, of course not.’  He still sounded shocked and impressed.

 

‘Nick?  Come to bed.  I want to talk to you.’

‘Sounds serious.’  She grinned and slid in beside him, arranging herself comfortably half on top of him.

‘Yes.  I was talking to Nick earlier.’

‘About Gemma?’

‘Yes.  That was fine, I think.  But that wasn’t what I needed to say to you.  I asked him what he wanted to do when he left school.’  He paused.

‘And?’

‘He wants to join the Navy.’

‘Oh, Patrick, no.’  She clung to him and hid her face in his shoulder.  Automatically he put his arms around her and comforted her.  Eventually she raised her head.

‘We have to let him, don’t we?’  He nodded, gravely.

‘Did he say why?’

‘Because of Pete.’

‘Oh.’  She brushed away her tears.  ‘He always hated it.’

‘I know.  But he thought it mattered.  I think that’s what Nick thinks too.  He thinks it matters enough to die for if it comes to it.’

She smiled weakly.  ‘I always wanted sons in the Navy.  Teach me not to wish for things.  Oh Patrick, I’d’ve been so pleased, so proud if only…’

‘Sh.  I know.  But you should still be proud.  He’s good and brave and kind and strong and he’ll make a first-rate officer, in the long tradition of the Marlows.’  He grinned, teasing her out of her gloom.

‘But he’s not a Marlow.  He’s a Merrick.’

‘Not a bit.  Marlow through and through, I’ve always thought.  Not that I’ve minded.’

‘Maybe.’  Nicola thought.  ‘No.  He’s like you.  Serious and certain and determined to have his way.  And hating being surrounded by the hordes of family all the time.’

‘I don’t hate it,’ he protested.

‘No,’ she kissed him, ‘you just can’t wait until they all go back to school and there’s some semblance of quiet in the house again.’

‘I miss them dreadfully.’

‘Ye-es.  No.  I’ll stop.  You’re an adorable father and I wouldn’t change a thing.  Only I do think it’s good you have a job where you can go out for hours on end without having to exchange a word with anyone more demanding than the dogs.’  He grimaced but she effectively ended his protest with another kiss.