Desert Island Discs

[girlyswot]

Author's note: This is a [longish] one shot which follows my Nicola/Patrick fic 'The Voyage' and probably won't make any sense at all unless you've read that.  This is all the fanfic I have and as of Monday I'm offline.  Hope you've enjoyed reading my stuff.

‘My guest this morning sailed single-handed around the world at the age of nineteen, has raised no less than ten children, though we should add that not all of them were her own!  She  was arrested last year for allegedly breaking the ban on hunting with dogs, but freed without charge.  She is the Conservative MP for Colebridge and District.  Nicola Merrick, welcome to the show.’

 

                ‘Quick, it’s started!’  Bel’s shrill voice could be heard practically over at Trennels.

                ‘Are you sure you’ve set the tape?’

                ‘Yes, Dad.  And upstairs.  And over at Granny’s.’  Jon gave his father a reproachful look.

 

‘Tell us about your childhood, Nicola.  You were one of… eight? …children, including of course your twin sister, Lawrie Marlow.  I think that’s a first for our desert island, to have both of a pair of twins on the show.  What was it like, having such a large family?’

 

                ‘Pretty miz, actually,’ commented Richard.

                ‘Shh,’ Bel frowned at her twin who made a face back at her, but wisely kept quiet.

 

‘When you left school, you decided to make your epic voyage round the world.  Was that something you’d always wanted to do?’

‘Yes, I think so.  I never had a clear sense of vocation to any particular career.  I’d’ve liked to join the Navy, but at that time women were only eligible for the Wrens, which seemed less exciting.’

‘We’ll come onto your Navy connections later.  How did your parents feel about letting you go off on your own for so long?  This was in the days before gap years were a normal experience.’

‘Yes.  They weren’t keen.  My father gave me a whole list of conditions before he’d even consider it - I had to have proper experience, and training, and kit and sponsorship and communications.  I had the most amazing luck, really.  One of my teachers at school knew a skipper who was looking for crew and she fixed it for me to spend three months with him.  And a friend’s father liked the idea and organised the money for me.  So then they couldn’t find any more reasons not to let me go.’

‘And was it terribly exciting?  Did it live up to your expectations?’

‘We-ll.’

 

                Patrick stiffened and gripped his mug of coffee more tightly, knowing what was coming next.

 

‘I suppose these things always end up being more of a journey of discovering oneself rather than the rest of the world.  For me that came in an unexpected way.  After I’d been at sea for about eight weeks, I realised I was pregnant.’

 

                There were audible gasps in the room and all eyes turned accusingly to Patrick.

                ‘But…’  Jon was frowning, trying to work it out.

                ‘Sh.’  Bel was fierce, desperately listening.

 

‘What did you do?’

‘Well, I decided there was no point doing anything until I was absolutely certain.  I’d gone on the pill before I left and at first I’d just assumed it was taking a while to sort things out.  And I’d been sick, but I often do get seasick.  So I worked out where the nearest sensible place to stop was and made sail for Perth.  I saw a very kind doctor who confirmed it.  He was terribly sweet.  I completely fell apart, so he insisted that I stay with him and his wife for a few days while I worked out what to do.’

‘Did you consider having an abortion?’

‘Yes, of course I considered it.  But never without realising I couldn’t possibly do it.  It was our baby.  Mine and Patrick’s.  A baby that in other circumstances we’d have been utterly thrilled about.  And it wasn’t the baby’s fault the situation was different.  And I knew Patrick would never have wanted me to.’

‘So what did you do?’

‘Nothing.  Before I could phone Patrick…’

‘That’s your husband?’

‘He is now.  He was my boyfriend then.  Anyway, before I could phone, I had a miscarriage.’

‘But you carried on with your journey?’

‘Yes.  The doctor was very worried about letting me go, but I couldn’t think about anything except being on the boat again.  That was my home, where I felt safe.’

‘And you didn’t tell anybody else what had happened?’

‘Not then.  I told my brother, Giles, when I saw him a couple of months later.  And I told Patrick when I came home and he asked me to marry him.  And one or two other people since.’

 

                ‘Well.’  Bel sat back on her heels.  ‘Well.’

                ‘Did any of us know?’ enquired Jon.

                Patrick shook his head.

                ‘So you and Mum… you know..’  Richard blushed.

                ‘We slept together before we were married.  Yes.  Once.’

                ‘Once!’  Bel sounded shocked.

                ‘It only takes once, Babybel.’  Patrick smiled and tried to sound light hearted.

 

‘So you came home and married Patrick.  You were still very young?’

‘I was twenty-one when we married.  Pat’s two years older.’

‘And you fell pregnant again almost immediately?’

‘On honeymoon.’

‘And you had six children in quick succession.’

‘Yes, I suppose so.  It didn’t feel that quick at the time.’

‘And you never had any regrets?  You never wished you’d gone to university or had a career?’

‘No, not at all.  I loved that life.  We lived in a tiny cottage for the first seven years, we never had enough money for new clothes or holidays or anything like that.  But Patrick had a great job, working with hawks and horses and we spent most of our time outside.  And I loved the babies and the children and having a full house.  I suppose it’s being in control, organising other people, juggling all the different demands.  That’s what I love, that busy-ness.’

‘Ideally suited for a politician’s life then.  Tell me about what happened in 1982.’

‘It was the Falklands War.  Both my brothers and my father were in the Navy.  There’s a family tradition.  Father was a Rear-Admiral and at a fairly safe distance from the action.  Giles had just got his first command.  Peter was First Lieutenant on HMS Sheffield.’

‘And you were about to give birth?’

‘Yes.  The twins arrived ten days after the Argentines invaded.  Giles was wounded on the same day.  He broke his leg and came home.  I was so relieved.’

‘But your father and brother were still there.’

‘Yes.  I’d never suffered from post-natal depression with any of the others but I just couldn’t cope.  I would spend all day watching the news, watching the pictures of men dying.  And then, even when I slept, I saw them all night in my dreams.  I fell apart completely.  I don’t know what I’d have done if it hadn’t been for Patrick to look after me and the children.’

‘And then the news came that you’d been dreading.’

‘Yes.  Peter was killed.  It was so unfair.  He’d always hated being in the Navy and he’d finally decided to leave.  His discharge was due two weeks after the war broke out, but of course it was postponed.  He was going to be married that summer.’

 

                ‘Imagine if it was us and it was Nick,’ Bel sounded uncharacteristically solemn.

Patrick looked measuringly across at his youngest son, still hankering after his commission.  ‘It’s

not a game, Pete.’

Peter squirmed a little, not wanting his dreams to be squashed.

 

‘So, your eldest brother was still in the Navy.  And Lawrie was building her career as an actress.  What were the rest of the family up to?’

‘Gosh.  We could be here for a while!  Well, Karen, my eldest sister got married years earlier, to a man who was quite a lot older than her with three children.  So she was looking after them, and her own baby daughter, and doing an Open University degree.  Rowan, who comes next, left school to take over the family farm.  She did that for ten years, then married her own farmer and Patrick took over from her.  Ann became a nurse.  Ginty never really had a career, just a succession of glamorous jobs, then a rich husband and a divorce.  And then there’s just me and Lawrie.’

‘Who also had a son, who I believe you looked after for a while?’

‘Yes, Finn.  He’s just a few months younger than my twins.  So when they were due to start school, I asked Lawrie what she was going to do with him.  Up till then… I was going to say it was easy, but obviously it wasn’t easy at all… but she’d managed, taking him with her wherever she was working.  But she couldn’t take him for three weeks here, and two months there and  send him to school.  So he came to us in term times and Lawrie visited when she could, and had him in the holidays.  I think it worked okay.  It’s hard to know with these things, whether that really was the best solution.’

‘He stayed with you until he was what, fourteen?’

‘Thirteen.  Yes.  Lawrie was married by then.  And her career was more secure.  She could pick and choose a bit more what kind of jobs she did.  And Finn was old enough that it didn’t matter if she couldn’t be there every day when he came home from school.  He still comes to visit us for a few weeks every summer, and other times.’

 

                ‘I miss him.’  Richard pulled a kissy face at his sister, but             Patrick smiled.

‘I know, Bel.  I do too.’

 

‘And your family had grown in other ways by then.’

‘Yes.  I’d had Peter, our youngest, five years after the twins.  And a couple of years after that, we decided we’d offer ourselves as foster parents.’

‘What made you do that?  Most people would think they’d enough on their hands with eight children in the house!’

‘Perhaps.  But I’ve always found that once you’ve got a handful of children, a few more don’t make any difference.  There’s more of them to help with the chores and the older ones keep the younger ones in order.  And that was partly the reason for offering.  I think it’s easier for children to be one of a crowd sometimes.  Particularly when there are difficult things going on.  They don’t always want all the attention to be on them.  And I’m a great believer in the comforting power of animals.  Even when you can’t tell anybody else all your problems, you can tell a dog or a horse.  So I just thought it was something I’d like to do.’

‘You were sent two girls, I think?  How did you get on?’

‘Gemma and Lucy.  Their mother was in hospital and they didn’t have anyone else nearby who could look after them.  It took a while.  Our life was very different from theirs.  Lucy took to the animals straight away but Gemma found it a bit harder to get used to them and to make friends with the others.’

‘But they stayed with you?’

‘Yes.  Lois, their mother, died after they’d been with us a few months.  They had an uncle in Scotland who they hardly knew, so we asked if they could stay with us.  Anyway, it all took an enormous amount of paperwork and solicitors and social workers, but in the end it was agreed that it would be better for everyone.’

‘You adopted them?’

‘We adopted Lucy.  Gemma was almost sixteen by that time and it didn’t seem appropriate.’

‘But you’re still in touch with them both?’

‘Oh yes.  They’re part of the family.  Gemma married our eldest son last year, so they really are both part of the family.’

 

                ‘What would’ve happened if you had adopted Gemma?’ enquired Jon.  ‘Couldn’t she have married Nick?’

                ‘Yes, she could.  But it would have seemed a bit odd.  That was really why we didn’t, not because she was older.’

                ‘Oh.’

 

‘So then, in your mid-forties, having hardly had a job in your life, you entered politics.  How did that happen?’

‘It wasn’t something I’d ever thought about doing.  Patrick’s father was an MP and I’d never thought that I could possibly do anything like that.  But there’d been a campaign to save the local grammar schools, which I’d been quite involved in, and one or two other local things.  Anyway, a member of the local Conservative party came round one evening to say that Henry Carter was stepping down and would I consider becoming a candidate.

‘After I’d picked my jaw up from the floor and said a very incoherent no, he asked me to think about it and let him know.  Patrick said he thought I should do it, and the more I thought about it, I found that I’d worked out solutions to all the practical problems with the family and the farm and so on, so it seemed I’d decided.  And then I found that I loved it.’

‘What do you love about it?’

‘I love the buzz.  The lifestyle.  Being busy and organised and involved in lots of people’s lives.  I love meeting constituents and hearing their problems and being able to do something about them.  I love making a difference.’

‘Is there anything you don’t like about it?’

‘Of course.  I don’t like the frustrations of government bureaucracy.  I don’t like when little people get squashed because of the bigger principle.  I don’t like when I can’t do anything to help because I haven’t the time or the political clout.  I don’t like the in-fighting and the partisanship and always having to watch every word one says.’

‘And do you have ambitions?’

‘Yes.  I have an ambition for a truly free society, in which those who help themselves are allowed to enjoy the fruits of their labour, and those who can’t help themselves are cared for generously.  For a society in which families and communities are allowed to take responsibility for their own lives without the constant interference of the state.  Where, if one pub owner says that he won’t allow smoking on his premises and another says he will, that’s okay, and you can choose which one you drink in, and which one you apply for a job in.  Where education is valued for its own sake and not for its end-product.  Where children can enjoy learning without always wondering whether it’ll be in the exam.  Where…’

‘You can carry that speech on later.  Do you have ambitions for yourself?’

‘Not really.  I’d like to see the children all happy and settled.  And I’d like to have more time to spend with Patrick.  Maybe to go sailing again, the two of us this time.  See some of the places I missed last time.’

 

                Richard made a sick noise.  Jon laughed.  ‘She does go soppy, sometimes.’

                ‘It’s sweet,’ said Bel, going to sit beside her father.  ‘But I still think it’s mean of her not to want us to go sailing with you.’

 

‘You obviously love your job, and your family.  But what about you, Nicola Merrick?  What are your passions?’

‘Sailing.  Though I never get to do any, these days.  We still have Windfall, the boat that took me round the world.   And I love the horses and the hawks.  That’s how I became friends with Patrick.  We looked after three hawks together, one summer.  I still love the feel of a hawk on my wrist and a horse underneath me.  When we first moved out of London I was devastated.  But now, I can’t imagine not living in the country.

‘And the sea.  The Navy.  It’s a family joke.  When I went to boarding school, we were allowed two photos.  I had one of Giles’s ship and one of Nelson.  Everyone else had their parents and their pets.’

‘How would you survive on a desert island?  I imagine you’d be terribly practical and competent?’

‘Yes, probably.  I think I’d manage to get a shelter up and find food and things.  But I’d be incredibly lonely.  I’m not very good without people running in and out of the house or the office all the time.’

‘You’re allowed one book.  You get the Bible and the complete works of Shakespeare.’

‘Mmm.  I was trying to choose between something I know and love or something I’ve never quite managed to get round to reading.’

‘And?’

‘Tristram Shandy.  I think I could love it, if I read it enough, but it’s not so familiar that I might as well not bother.’

‘And a luxury?’

‘My penknife.  I’ve had it since I was twelve and it’s brilliant.’

‘Nicola Merrick, thank you very much for letting us hear your Desert Island Discs.’

Comments

[elizahonig.livejournal.com]

Desert Island Discs--an absolutely brilliant way to frame an epilogue. Has this been done elsewhere? (The cogs are turning here...) The penknife as her luxury--what an excellent way to return us to the very beginning.
Thank you!
Why are you offline as of Monday?

[girlyswot.livejournal.com]

Finished at college, moving out of accommodation with free broadband, no fixed address over the summer, not sure when/if I'll have internet access...

Glad you enjoyed this.

[colne-dsr.livejournal.com]

I've enjoyed it, too. Many thanks. You'll probably find wherever you are that a local library will offer free internet access - mine does, anyway, and it's certainly standard in Lancashire.

Did Nicola ever enter the Cabinet? She sounds just my sort of politician. :-)

Luxury

[joyeuce]

A very belated comment which no one may ever read, but just in case ...

Would Nicola have been allowed her knife as a luxury? I thought they had to be something that wasn't useful.